The example of Joseph in Matthew 1-2 provides insight into what a man can and should be. My faith leads me to believe that God was quite particular about the man who would be primarily responsible for modeling human masculinity to the incarnate Christ, and we can learn from the hints we are given in the few passages of Scripture which refer to Joseph's character. Early in Jesus' story, we learn that Joseph was betrothed to Mary. As they were preparing for the wedding, Joseph learned that his beloved was pregnant.
How would you respond? Joseph may have been hurt, angry and could have sought revenge or to publicly shame her. However, Mt. 1:19 states that he was "a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, (he) planned to send her away secretly." My interpretation is that Joseph was capable of understanding the implications of publicly revealing her apparent unfaithfulness, and cared for her safety and needs even while refusing to continue the process of joining as a family. In short, it appears to me that Joseph was neither a weakling who would place himself in a position of continuing to be wronged, nor was he a vengeful man who required public satisfaction for an apparent wrong suffered.
I am convinced that living as a man in relationship with God provides peace and strength to endure difficult circumstances, but is not a promise that we will never experience pain. We can choose to care for those around us, and extend our hands and hearts without a guarantee of reciprocity or safety. As C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying,
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one,
not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe
in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable,
impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
There is a powerful temptation for men, especially independent men in the Western world, to be the "strong, silent type." We watch movies about John Wayne, Dirty Harry or John McClane and think a "real man" should be a lone cowboy or a tough cop, capable of taking care of himself and those around him without needing assistance from anyone or anything. However, this view directly contradicts the clear teaching and doctrine of the Christian faith.
I Corinthians 12 refers to the church as the "body of Christ," and clearly teaches the interdependence on one another we must have to accurately reflect the love of Christ in our daily lives. V. 14 states that "the body is not one member, but many" and subsequent verses use examples from the human body to state that we need one another just as surely as the eye needs the ear to function to maximum potential. V. 26 indicates that "if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; and if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it."
What would happen in our churches, our places of work, our families and our individual lives if we lived closer to this ideal of interdependence? Of course some people will let us down at times, and we will also find ourselves failing to live up to the needs of those around us frequently. Humanity is flawed. Nevertheless, I am convinced that seeking to live according to the principle of accepting our interdependence, and reaching out with compassion, will lead us on the path to a more abundant life. Risking greatly, and living with vulnerability, can help us to discover the truth expressed in Matthew 16:25- "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."
Compassion enables a man to love boldly, serving as a living witness of God's sacrificial love. In future posts, I will share additional thoughts about faith, courage and wisdom as essential attributes of Christian masculinity.
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