"Why am I hurting if God loves me?

The question of pain and suffering is a perennial challenge to the notion that we have an all-powerful God who loves us. If I am in pain, and don't see how I have brought events upon myself, a natural question to ask is "Why?"

Countless books have been written on this question, and numerous sermons have sought to deliver effective answers. I recently heard a song which provides a helpful perspective as well- Laura Story's "Blessings."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The background of this song is the struggle her family went through after her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had undergone surgery and recovered, but some challenges remained. Where is God in these circumstances? Can we accept an answer to prayer which looks different than what we wanted? Her response is that God's answer comes from His greater understanding, and blessings can be seen even through our tears.

In my own life, I have experienced times of joy and sorrow.  One difficult circumstance (and blessing) was caring for my father as he declined and ultimately passed away from pancreatic cancer.  As our family cared for him, with the assistance of Hospice staff, numerous events occurred which brought joy and pain simultaneously.  One blessing we witnessed was the repair of a conflicted relationship with another family member.  Without going into a lengthy discussion of the background and history, I will simply note that I had never witnessed this gentleman enter our home before that day ( I was a seminary student in my 20s at that time).  As my father's health deteriorated, and his imminent death became more evident, we found joy and hope in this restored relationship.  Emotional healing occurred even as a physical cure was not possible.

A theological basis for seeking answers to the "whys" of life, with faith and humility, is found in Genesis 50:20.  Joseph was the favored son of his father, his envious brothers sold him into slavery, and then led his father to believe he was dead.  After several years, a family reunion in Egypt during famine, and his father's death, his brothers approached him fearfully.  Joseph tells them ""you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." I am convinced that some circumstances are beyond my finite knowledge, and seek to live with a faithful trust that my heavenly Father will care for me much more effectively than I care for my own children- even if I question some of the directions life takes me at times.

Time

To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, "Do you love life?  Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."

I have been reflecting on time recently, especially as I realize that this is likely the midpoint of my mortal existence.  Current life expectancy for U.S. males is about 78, and I turned 39 last April.  Of course, I expect (hope!) to live to 100 or so, provided I can have some quality of life and energy.  In healthcare, I see lives cut short by trauma or illness much more often than is comfortable.  One awareness is that I have certainly not experienced nearly half of what I would like to in my lifetime.

We could take this truth in several directions.  Is work, building wealth, and leaving a professional legacy the highest priority?  Making a difference in the lives of fellow sojourners on the pathways of life? Or is pleasure the greatest good, seeking to experience all the thrills and joy one lifetime can bring our way?

I believe that the balanced life is a life well lived.  The philosophy of John Wesley (earn all you can, save all you can, and give all you can) is a guiding principle for maximum impact on the lives around us.  There is value in working to provide for ourselves and our families, and in making a positive impact by our efforts.  I learned this lesson well from my parents, who provided a home for us by hard work on a small farm in the mountains of North Carolina.  However, they also taught me the limits of what possessions can bring to my life, and that family and faith bring a greater joy.  There is also joy in the beauty of the world around us, and an exhilaration from new experiences and deepened relationships.  Recreation is essential to maintain strength to face life's challenges, and feeds the soul in a manner which literally "re-creates" our identity and ability to go into the arena of another week.

As I turn 40 this year, I hope to take some time to stop and think about the choices made so far.  I have many blessings in my life, along with a few regrets. This is a good place on the journey to pause, evaluate the good and bad, and prayerfully position myself for the way ahead.  I truly believe the best is yet to come.

I Corinthians 13 template

How do we measure whether and how we are offering our best to family, friends and our community of faith? One tool I learned about in seminary has remained with me through the years, though I've admittedly used it sporadically.  One of the most famous passages used (at least in part) to define a lifestyle of loving others is the elegant example offered in I Corinthians 13.  Verses 4-7 specifically highlight the standards of a lifestyle reflecting the love of Christ.  The template which never fails to challenge me is to reflect upon these verses by reflecting upon whether these characteristics are demonstrated in my interactions at home, work and church by substituting my name wherever these verses originally use "love."  

Charles is patient, Charles is kind and is not jealous; Charles does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; he does not seek his own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Unfortunately, I am usually reminded of this exercise long after one or more of these statements has been proven false by my actions and attitudes.  However, it is worth reflecting on in my opinion to seek to correct attitudes and behavior, and to maintain an aspirational goal of the kind of people we are called to be.